Revealing Compassion w/ Elissa Altman

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How A Dog Helped A Daughter See Her Mother In A New Light

About The Episode

Elissa Altman always had a complicated relationship with her mother. From personal identity to areas of interest, they were often not on the same page.

Elissa grew up with dogs in her family apartment in New York City. After living and working in the city as an adult, she decided to escape the hustle and bustle for a quieter life in Connecticut with her partner, Susan Turner, who would eventually become her wife.

Her wife had a curly-coated retriever named McGillicuddy (or Gilly, for short). The dog left a big impact on Elissa as she hadn’t lived with a dog for nearly two decades at that point. When Gilly passed away, Elissa no longer felt it was right to live in a home without having dog energy around. It didn’t take long before they made the decision to adopt another dog.

At that time, Elissa and her wife rescued Addie, a 7-year-old yellow lab, who had been a backyard breeder and sadly forced to give up her litter each time. Addie turned out to be a very compassionate and nurturing being. Addie intuitively sensed and comforted Elissa whenever she was down, due to work or family issues, and established herself as Elissa's true soul dog.

Unexpectedly, Addie's original foster mom called Elissa after she found a pair of abandoned puppies. She couldn't help think that Addie deserved a chance to finally raise her own puppy after all her babies were given away. Elissa and her wife agreed to adopt the puppy named Pete, who quickly learned from Addie about how to be a great and caring dog.

Addie, however, wasn't the only one figuring out their role in relation to motherhood. Elissa got a call that her mother had fallen and would need her assistance as she recovered. And since her mother was working through a physical rehabilitation program in Connecticut, the pair spent more time together – with Pete tagging alongside, who always brightened things up. Elissa’s mother had always had a love for dogs, which had been passed down to Elissa, but this time it was at a new level (she even refers to Pete as her granddog).

Through watching the way they interacted, Elissa started to think differently about her mother. After all of these years of holding onto their troubled past and all of the conflicts that came with it, Elissa hadn't been able to see her mother outside of that lens. But here she was, acting like a completely different person because this dog, Pete, shared his unconditional love and her mother reciprocated it. It was a side Elissa had never seen her mom show before with any human. A more compassionate side.

If it wasn't for Pete, it would have been a difficult obstacle for Elissa to work past. She came to realize through Pete, however, that her mother was not at fault for what she could not control – such as her mental health state. And she developed more empathy. In addition, it made Elissa think about how grateful she was to get her love of dogs from her mother. They may not agree on everything or have tons of common ground, but their connection to dogs may be enough to share after all.

About The Guest - Elissa Altman

Elissa Altman is an author of memoirs, essays, and narrative stories about food. She won a James Beard award in 2012 for her food blog, Poor Man's Feast, of which she followed with a successful book of the same name in 2013. Her latest book, Motherland: A Memoir of Love, Loathing, and Longing, details her complicated relationship with her mother throughout their lives. Her writing has also appeared in publications such as The Wall Street Journal, New York Times, and Washington Post. Before focusing on writing full-time, she was a longtime editor for major publishing houses such as HarperCollins.

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