Enduring Relationship w/ Richard Mercer
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Grief Counselor on Value of Pet Loss Support Groups
About The Episode
Richard Mercer has helped to support individuals with loss during his career, but it wasn't until recent years that he started working with the grief from losing a pet, too.
When Richard was on a panel with a local counselor who he found out was doing a pet loss support group in the area, he thought it was an interesting area that he wanted to explore further. He wanted to get involved. They started co-facilitating the group together.
Richard didn't know what to expect initially – he knew how to help with human grief, but he wasn't sure how it would translate. However, he realized they were very similar. Eventually, he was given the responsibility to facilitate the group by himself.
A common and demoralizing thing people can hear is "it's just a dog." Or they say, "just get another one" as if it was that simple. Clearly, those people do not understand the power and connection of the human-animal bond. It can make someone feel as if what they are feeling is not valid, that it is not real or shouldn't bother them as much. It can also feel very alienating, that people are alone in their grief. That's why these support groups can be so crucial.
Pet loss support groups are not meant to be counseling, nor therapy. They are there to provide a communal space for people to be with each other, and someone like Richard can help keep the structure and gently guide the ship.
Richard also offers potential tools that people can use as a lens to look at their grief. One example is the meaning reconstruction model, where you evaluate elements of your identity and responsibilities both before and after the loss. Another is the dual process model, which differentiates between first coming to the reality of the loss and then re-creating ourselves afterwards.
As a way to keep your dogs as part of you, Richard has found it helpful for people to focus on the positive ways in which you remember your dog, particularly through storytelling and the ways we remember their presence, their impact on us, and how we choose to honor their legacy. What did we learn from them? What did they teach us about life? How did they change our routines? They may be gone, but they are always living in our hearts, spirits, and memories.
About The Guest - Name
Richard Mercer spent over a decade as a medical librarian, which included interacting with patients and families. He gained experience with learning about healing in times of loss and transitions. He has worked with hospice patients and their families at TRU Community Care since the late 1980s. TRU Community Care is a healthcare nonprofit serving areas around Boulder, Colorado. Richard has a master’s degree in Transpersonal Counseling – focusing on mental, physical, social, emotional, creative, and intellectual needs as part of the healing process for one's spirit. He currently lives in Colorado with his partner and their two dogs, Lucy and Darla.
Featured Links
The Humane Society of Boulder Valley offers a free Pet Loss Support Group for those who have experienced or anticipate the loss of their companion animal. Pet Loss Support is now available for both in-person and virtual participation. The group meets on the first Saturday of each month from 1 – 2:30 p.m. To attend virtually, please call 303-604-5331, or email rmercer63@gmail.com to request a virtual meeting link. - https://boulderhumane.org/euthanasia-and-cremation-services
Annette McGivney past episode on Dog Save The People that is referenced - https://www.dogsavethepeople.com/episodes/annette-mcgivney